Filmed treatment of Jan , introduction and results on film

Jan introduces himself (the end of October 2006)

Several short introduction films in which Jan introduces himself and talks about his most important problems. At certain moments Jan reads the text from a piece of paper, which prevents him from looking into the camera all the time.

Jan’s identity

Jan introduces himself, feeling of being ugly

Jan’s relationships with women, learning difficulties, physical symptoms

Jan’s feelings of inferiority and insecurity

Jan’s fear of failure, depressive feelings, difficult contacts with people, pessimism
.

First series of results (the end of November 2006)

Jan feels better, feels better about his body, can study faster, better contact with women and other people

Jan easily makes new contacts, gets over things more quickly, less anxiety for exams
.

Second series of results (the end of December 2006)

Jan general improvement of health, eczema a little better, pain in the back gone, more energy

Jan can accept the way he looks, feels less inferior, is more secure with people

Jan has a more positive attitude, fear of failure in studies disappeared, less stomach cramps

Jan makes less fuss over things, can let go more easily, more positive expectations

Jan is less quickly discouraged, considerably less depressed, stronger, calmer, less tense

Jan has a higher adaptability, improved social skills, more self-approbation
.

Third series of results (early April 2007)

Jan is very busy studying. He doesn’t have the time to record the results below on film. Therefore the results are exclusively mentioned in textual form this time.

. I am more stable in general.

. Studying is going better and better. I am finding more and more pleasure in studying.
The quantity of material has increased quite a lot the last few months. I am doing rather well studying the material. Until now, I have passed my exams in a more than satisfactory way. The last exam was the hardest and I just scraped through.
I can memorize faster and I understand things more rapidly than before. I understand complex things more rapidly than before. I panic less easily when I do not understand something.
However, up to the last exam I still had trouble retaining studied material for a long time and retrieving it easily. My tension headache had worsened due to the enormous quantity of material I had to study. At the most recent exam, I was feeling more insecure and contorted than for the previous exams and I was afraid not to do well. As a matter of fact, I had been confronted with an enormous quantity of material and I had not been able to study it all. Furthermore, during my studying, I regularly had to lie down a bit or do something else because of headache, fatigue and being saturated with information. Some time prior to the exam, I suffered from stomach cramps and nerves.
For the next exam again an extremely large quantity of material is to be processed. There is even more material to be studied than for the previous exam. Nevertheless, I can very easily handle the material. I observe another improvement in the speed of retention/memorization. For the first time, I also notice that I can remember studied material for a longer time and that I can retrieve/reproduce it faster. That gives me a lot of confidence and makes me calmer. I do not feel any nervousness nor fear and I do not have any stomach cramps this time. My tension headache has faded.
Because I can remember things for a longer time now, I can more easily relate between different specialties within medicine. Such as for example immunology and clinical genetics. I can also distinguish more easily between what is important and what is not in the subject matter. My three-dimensional insight has not improved. If, during anatomy class, I have to imagine some part of the body in relation to other parts of the body, such as for example the pancreas, it is still hard for me, if I do not have a picture or drawing in front of me.

. My health has slightly improved. I feel less tension in my stomach and in my body. My intestines are operating more properly, I am suffering from stomach ache less frequently.
The stains of eczema on my fingers and hands that had disappeared in the beginning, first came back and then disappeared again. The eczema on my elbows and hands-fingers is considerably less compared to previous years. The eczema on my shin-bone has worsened a little, I have got a large red stain on my shin-bone, that I have not had that often so far. My legs are still itching. The rash at my groins is unchanged (it was better but it has come back).
I cannot sleep any better and I am still tired a lot, especially in the morning when I wake up. I do have more energy though.

. I am having more trouble again accepting my baldness and I find myself less attractive because of it. I have a strong longing for my hair to be able to grow in a natural way.
I still get remarks from others about my height (such as tall Jan), but it does not affect me quite the way it did before.

. I have been able to let go of a woman that I liked for two years, but who was not interested in me and who probably is not a good match for me after all.
I am still single, with a strong desire for a nice woman who is really destined for me. I am again more occupied with my desire for a woman. I have little confidence in the fact that, some day, I will find the right woman.

. I feel more and more relaxed towards women and make contact more easily with women. A couple of times, a girl spontaneously started talking with me, which I liked a lot. Reactions from women to me in a negative way that may upset me, are affecting me less and less.

. I feel somewhat more comfortable around a woman that I really like. I also react less cramped. But I still may react in an unpleasant way because of my contortedness, clumsiness and nervousness.

. Making new contacts with people has improved considerably. Especially in the sports centre. I feel less cramped in the way I talk, in the way I react, I can casually join in with the others. That is something I could not do before. Therefore, people also react to me in a nicer way. I feel more secure when making contacts, I have the courage of speaking up faster, I am less afraid of how people may react.

. At work everything is going well. Everything is getting better at work and it is more fun. Hence, I have no problem working on my days off. I am finding more and more pleasure in my contacts at work. I get more appreciation and sympathy from people at work. There is more mutual interest for one another. There is more depth in our conversations and now I learn more about the dreams and objectives of others, because these themes are spontaneously discussed now.
I notice that I still set high standards for myself and that I feel uncomfortable when I do not know something, whereas I could have known that because of my medical studies. I do succeed however in getting over it more easily.

. Also working with the parents of the sick children, who are often quite afraid, concerned, tense, is going rather smoothly and the contacts with the children are quite nice, despite the fact that I now only do weekends, and have little time for developing good contacts with the children. Now making contact is going very fast very easily, I would never have expected that.

. Relations with my parents are going better and better and my reproaches (about the past) towards them are fading away. We are less critical of each other. I am getting less defensive with my mother and I find it easier to listen to her without judging her.

. I feel less insecure with things that I have to do. I have more self-confidence. The feeling of being unable to do something is still present, but is fading.

. My fear of being laughed at and the fear that I feel among a group of people, and which have been present ever since my early childhood, have strongly diminished.
During the last group meetings of the group of medical students, I felt considerably more self-confident and more comfortable. I was less insecure to ask questions. If I was mocked for my critical remarks, it felt less like a negative reaction towards me. I was no longer upset by it.
The fear of being laughed at or of being considered stupid, has considerably decreased. Although I still feel stupid when someone else for example can answer faster than I can.
I am much more relaxed and more comfortable during group meetings. Quite a pleasant feeling !! It is wonderful to feel comfortable in a group. I leave the group with a good feeling and I do not have any headache or cramps afterwards, I do not feel ashamed any more afterwards.

. I have somewhat less fear of speaking in front of a group, but I still do not like being at the centre of attention this way.

. I no longer panic that easily. If I do, I can get over it rapidly, think straight again and act appropriately.

. In case of new tasks or situations, more and more frequently I can get things organized in a short term and make sure everything goes fine.

. I can put things in perspective and I can let go more and more easily. I am less disappointed and upset about all kinds of things. I may still feel discouraged for a short time once in a while and it sometimes happens that I feel desperate again, but I can easily recover and move on.

. I am less and less sensitive to criticism. Therefore, I am not that easily upset anymore in various situations. I feel less rapidly attacked by remarks and I do not get defensive so rapidly any more.

. Feelings of guilt are fading away. I no longer apologize when I feel guilty. I find it easier to admit when I am guilty of something.

. I am less angry, aggressive or highly frustrated in my contacts with people. I am considerably less annoyed with people.

. I am less close-mouthed and less afraid of opening up more. I am less afraid of being found ridiculous or of being rejected. I can express myself a little better and I have more courage to express my feelings.

. Step by step, I am starting to feel that I dare say ‘no’ more easily and that I no longer feel fear to loose the sympathy of people.

. I am no longer jealous of men who look great, who are full of self-confidence and who are successful.

. I rest more than I used to and I feel less and less rushed despite the fact that I have a very busy life. I no longer feel rushed when many things have to be done or to study everything.

. I no longer do many things reluctantly.

. I am becoming more and more mature in the way I act and react.

. I am no longer offensive towards other people.

. I have increasingly become a better listener, even when something is bothering me.

. I can appreciate myself better and better.

. I still like being acknowledged by other people, but I am no longer that occupied with getting acknowledgement and I do not feel so bad anymore when I do not get acknowledgement.

. I am able to give compliments to other people more and more easily.

. I can more easily give and receive love and I do not feel afraid anymore of being hurt.

. I have less erotic fantasies and I am less occupied with sex/masturbation. I also feel less guilty about it. My sexual problems (premature ejaculation) have not improved.
.

Fourth series of results (early July 2007)

Jan has passed this year’s medicine studies, LTA therapy training postponed, has still improved in memorizing and remembering

Jan intestinal complaints much better, looks stronger and healthier

Jan health much better, a little less tired, an orgasm is more pleasant than before

Jan thinks he does not look bad, women show more interest

Jan feels stupid less often, doesn’t care anymore if he doesn’t know or understand something

Jan better mood in the morning, feels secure in contacts, but there is still room for improvement

Jan fear of failure and fear of making mistakes strongly improved

Jan clearly a higher self-esteem
.

Fifth series of results (the end of November 2007)

Jan is extremely busy with his studies and work. I (Linda Evans) cannot expect him to spend time on making films. Because he does not have that sort of time. That is why results that are described in the course of the school year, are only mentioned in textual form.
.

The relationship with my parents has changed completely. The insecurity I felt when I was with my parents, has gone. I no longer need the approval and the respect of my parents, I no longer feel that I have to prove myself towards my parents.

When my parents came to visit me before, my mother would immediately criticize me as soon as she walked into the door. I felt very irritated by that and there immediately was a tension between us and a tense communication. There is no more criticism.
The contact between me and my parents is much more pleasant and open than before. My father feels much more at ease with me. My father has become very interested in me and he talks and thinks with me quite a lot about my future. While he used to be annoyed about me all the time. And always made me feel that I was a failure, or that I was wrong. He asked good questions and I was not irritated about that. In the past, my father would ask ‘stupid’ questions that easily irritated me, so that our conversations were often unpleasant.
There is a lot more understanding and support from my parents towards me.

I have also celebrated, together with my family, the 45th wedding anniversary of my parents. That was very relaxed and pleasant. I have never experienced a family gathering in such a nice and pleasant atmosphere.

I now get classes together with 23-year old youngsters.
The contacts that I have with this new group of students are nice and relaxed. They have immediately integrated me into their little group. That surprised me quite a lot, because that is something unusual in my life. I feel at home within the group.

Lately, people tell me on a regular basis that especially young children feel safer with me and laugh more with me than with others. On a regular basis parents have told me that children do not panic with me as they sometimes tend to do with others. This was more or less already the case in the past. But it still has increased.

I have less stage fright. It is much easier for me to give a lecture. I am rather comfortable giving a presentation for a group of students or doctors. Also when I do not know everything. I can more easily accept that I make a mistake in a learning environment. Now I feel like: if I make a mistake, it is not the end of the world, I will learn from that. In the past, I would not have given a lecture, or I would have been afraid of being considered stupid.

I am no longer preoccupied with trying to meet the requirements and wishes of other people, I stand up for myself much more now.

I no longer have to prove myself in order to feel good enough. Now that I am studying medicine, I used to have the feeling that I had to prove myself that I was really worth that, and that gave quite some stress. I do not have to prove myself anymore in this respect, I think I am worth it.

I no longer feel that I am not worthy of all kinds of things, such as being healthy and feeling good about myself. I no longer feel that, when things are difficult, I have deserved that.

I am open about a lot of things, especially about love and sex. In the past, I would sometimes be sorry about what I had said, now I do not mind anymore, it does not bother me anymore afterwards.

I no longer feel the need to exaggerate when I tell something.

I have no more fear of getting really sick. I have no more fear of staying alone.

With respect to my eczema, there are still some small patches on my fingers and elbows this year. The heavy itching on my shin-bone has nearly gone, it is still there, but only slightly. There is still a small patch in my groins. There is however a large, hot ‘eczema-like patch’ on my left leg. Last year, there was such a patch on my right leg. These large patches on my legs have appeared since the start of the LTA therapy.
In September, the eczema on my fingers had come on again, like every year. In the meantime, they have become small patches. In August, my eczema also flared up (has never happened before in August). It has disappeared again.

I no longer suffer from tense shoulder blade muscles. I regularly had cramps in my calves when I was asleep or when I woke up. This has diminished.

I sleep better. I am calmer when I sleep, I am more relaxed when I sleep, I have a deeper sleep. I am less thinking when I am asleep, I am no longer working or studying when I sleep. Despite the fact that I sleep better, I am still tired.
.

List of problem issues end of November 2007

When the second academic year started, a number of new problem issues appeared. Jan already established a number of problem issues that had not been noticed a year ago, when the therapy was started..

As from this year, I take the regular medicine courses. I have classes together with the students of the fourth year of medicine.
This year is quite tough, almost tougher still than last year. During the day, I have to go to the university for classes and to a clinical training centre for learning practical skills. Such as learning how to carry out a physical examination, learning how to execute anamnesis, learning how to use a stethoscope, learning how to take some blood, to place an infusion site, learning how to do some stitching …
In the evening, I have to study from 17.00 until 22.00 and in the weekend I have to work. Working and studying, and always having to finish an assignment, put me under pressure.

There are constantly assignments that need to be prepared. Unfortunately, I have but very little time to prepare my exams. That worries me. How will I be able to pass my exams, if I have got almost no time to study ? I feel rushed, because I need to pick up things in a short time. I am afraid that I will have too little time to master everything.
I am afraid that I will not be able to keep it up in the end. Last school year, I often had some rest in the evening, now there is hardly any time for rest anymore. I get more and more stressed and irritated by that. I am fed up with the fact that my life is all about working and studying, with no room at all for a nice hobby or some romance.

When the new academic year started, I noticed that I have forgotten a lot of what I had learned last year. I must be able to retain material for a longer time.

In class, when I need to answer a question from the professor, I get a black-out. For just one second, I know absolutely nothing, I need some time to recover, and then I can more or less remember the information.

I find it difficult not to get overwhelmed by all the knowledge presented and requested during lectures and discussions. I am stressed by the thought that I have to master all knowledge, or that I have to be able to remember or understand everything. I am afraid that I will not be able to remember it all or that I will not know it well. This way, I can get very stressed and then I cannot think straight anymore.

I feel fear of not being able to meet the requirements that are set for me. Or a fear of patients, doctors, nurses being disappointed in me or angry with me or being in danger, because of a possible lack of knowledge and skill on my behalf.

My insecurity in performing day to day tasks has diminished over last year. With respect to new things, however, I am still very insecure and internally stressed. Especially when I have to learn something new that requires some skill. I am afraid that I will do something wrong and will be reprimanded for it. I fear that I will not know what to do.
I am not very skilful and I am not very handy with tools.

When, during the exercises, I have to learn a practical skill, such as learning how to feel the heartbeat in different places of the body, I am already nervous and cramped in advance. I fear that it will not work, that I will not be able to do it. I think in advance that I will not be able to feel the heartbeat anyway, and I am preoccupied with what other people will say of that.
That is why I am bungling a lot during the practical exercises. I keep on bungling when placing an infusion site, taking blood and doing some stitching. I notice that I get easily blocked when I do not see the light for a second, and I do not know how to handle things. I feel like a real bungler then. I notice that my fellow students master everything a lot faster. I am too stressed and forced and I have got too little self-confidence. I worry too much when I do not master something right away. Most of the students are so relaxed and full of self-confidence, that I look at them with respect and admiration. I learn a lot from them, but I again notice how cramped and clumsy I can be.

When practicing conversations with a patient, I am too perfectionist, I easily lose the structure of the conversation, I ask questions that are too long-winded. That is because I am afraid that I would be too blunt, too direct or unclear. I am afraid to say senseless things, (is it correct what I say?). Because of the insecurity about the sense of what I say, I lose control over what I have to say and I say things at random. I have trouble in structuring my way of thinking, talking and writing.
What also strikes me, is my lack of knowledge and clinical reasoning. Clinical reasoning is the process of assessing a patient’s medical status. My memory then lets me down or I clam up when a doctor asks me a question.

In general, when communicating with people, I have a problem in the way that I do not know when to react or that I do not know what to say. What I have always found striking is that other people find it much easier to talk and talk more than I do, and always have more to tell than I do. I cannot always react to what people say, because I do not know what to say and because I am afraid to say something wrong. I find it hard to express myself, I find it hard to express what I want and what I feel.

At meetings, I am full of admiration about the way some younger students are able to present some things for a large group of people, full of self-confidence and with correct usage and humor, and are able to tell much more about a subject that they had just seen before, than I am. I notice that I have a negative reaction towards myself, because I cannot do that and I actually should be able to do that.

Although this has improved a little bit, I still find it difficult to feel love for another person, and to show and give love to another person.
Due to these problems with respect to love and communication, I am curbed in my contacts with others and in developing a relationship/getting into contact with another person.

Because of my contacts with sick people or other people in need, I can feel pretty quenched. I feel like people are extracting energy from me, as if they install a pipeline towards me in order to tap energy. Or otherwise it seems to me that I have to give away energy to my own detriment.

If a woman is interested in me, it is often somebody who is having a very difficult time and who sees me as her lifesaver. I often also had the idea that only children and old people like me.

I cannot deeply relax and enjoy something. When other people go out and enjoy things, I mostly stay alone at home. Without love or friendship in my life. Life can be pretty lonely like that.

I too much focus on what I do not have in my life, and on what is not good. Instead of being thankful and joyful about what I do have and about what I have achieved.

Things tend to go wrong when I want to purchase something. For example, when I order some books, the bookstore would make some mistake so that I do not receive the books I ordered or lose the discount. Then I have to react in order to set things straight, which takes a lot of time and energy. I can get pretty worked up about this. I lose money as a result of another person’s mistakes.

The last couple of months, I have been suffering from a whistling sound in my ear on a regular basis. I constantly hear whistling tones.
During my training, I have been in the operating room a couple of times. After a couple of hours, my ears became completely blocked (as you can experience when deep-sea diving and when sitting in an aeroplane taking off or landing). I almost heard nothing anymore, my voice was all distorted and hard, and it was just like I was being shut off from the world. I could not really follow what happened around me and I clammed up.
Half of the time that I spend in the operating room, my ears are blocked (especially my left ear) and I am not able to communicate anymore. Very unpleasant !

In September I had a cold in the nose and my throat ached. These are the usual complaints in the autumn.

In the month of August, some things aggravated after having improved before. I worried a lot about money (whether I would be able to work enough in the future and whether I would be all right financially in the years to come). Depressive feelings came back. Feelings of loneliness, fatalistic and pessimistic thoughts emerged. I was again more easily frustrated, I felt a little more stomachache because of the stress. I felt frustrations again about not being attractive to women. I was afraid that I would not be able to remember the material in the year to come and that I often would not know things, which would embarrass me … I feared the practical trainings at the hospital that were about to come (this improved soon; Linda tells me that this is because patterns that are activated, immediately peel off on their own, after having received a sufficient number of hours of therapy).
The last couple of weeks of August, I suffered a lot from my back. It was so bad that I hardly managed to work. This was linked to my worrying about money. Patterns related to money (such as fear of not having enough money, and patterns including ideas such as: ‘you have not quite enough’, ‘poverty’ …) were stored in my back and were causing the pain. These patterns were broken down by means of the therapy and then my back was better again.

I was tense, cramped and frightened for the first school day on 3 September. The first two weeks of the school year, I was extremely nervous and I had great fear.
Also in October I was still frightened, insecure, tense. I again had more trouble with my stomach and intestines because of the tensions (belches, windiness, upset stomach). I was suffering a lot from tension headaches.

This all has improved again now.

After a difficult start, I am not afraid any more to take initiative and to take more control over the situation. This way, more activities at the department are drawn to me. I am getting a more solid grip on things. I have the courage to ask more questions and practicing specific skills.

I have got more self-confidence now. I know that I am not worse or less than my fellow students. Contacts with them are easy and very pleasant. I get positive feedback from parents, doctors, colleagues.

.

Sixth series of results (the end of April 2008)

I have become a rather light-hearted person.

My health is doing well. For the first time in 24 years, my intestines are functioning normally. I am going to the toilet a few times a day now and I have normal solid stools. I have gained another kilo. I weigh 83 kg now. I no longer have any abdominal pain immediately after dinner and I do not have to go to the toilet anymore immediately after dinner.

My eczema is fully absent most of the time. From time to time small spots still come through and then disappear again. The itching on my legs is as good as entirely gone. Sometimes, it comes back and then disappears again. It is now established that the large red-hot spot on my leg, is not eczema. It is an infection caused by the Candida fungus. It is treated by means of an ointment that was prescribed by a dermatologist.

I still have regular headaches, especially when I have to study intensively and absorb large quantities of material. The headaches disappear faster than they used to do, though.

For the first time since I started the treatment, there is an improvement with respect to my fatigue. The extremely intense fatigue that I would feel from time to time, was already gone. But the chronic feeling of being tired had not changed until now. Now, there is a slight improvement in that respect. I have got a little more energy. I no longer need a 30 minutes’ sleep two times a day.
In the past, I only had to think about a task that I had to do, and I already became tired and got a headache. This is over now.

I sleep very well now. I have no trouble getting to sleep and I enjoy a good night’s rest. I still dream a lot. For a while, I applied the LTA self-treatment an hour before going to bed. It was remarkable how fast I was able to fall asleep and what a good night’s rest I had then. I was calm and relaxed in my sleep. Immediately after I had started the self-treatment, I had no more trouble getting to sleep and this has not changed ever since. Unfortunately, I no longer have the time to apply the self-treatment.

I no longer have a whistling sound in my ears. (I had experienced this only for a couple of months, maybe it would have gone away all by itself as well, without any therapy, maybe it would not have).

There is still another improvement in remembering material that I have studied. I also forget things less quickly, when I have done some practical exercises, after I have been able to practise it.
However, when doing a consultation or a practical training, or when practising some skills, I easily forget the things I have just learned and I have trouble reproducing them. This still has to improve a lot.

If I do not know something that I actually should have known because of my medical studies, I can deal with that in another way now. I no longer feel stupid, I have the feeling that I cannot know everything after all and that it is all right for me to forget a thing or two.

My insecurity if I have to do something and my fear of making mistakes, has clearly diminished. I am far more relaxed in difficult situations. I stay calm, I am confident that it will be all right or that I will do fine. Because of that confidence, it is also much easier for me to perform an assignment.
In practical exercises, it is much easier for me to focus on what I need to focus on. I am less preoccupied with the thought that I will not be able to do something or what other people might think of me. Therefore, I am less a bungler during practical exercises.

I have also become more skilful. This is not the result of the confidence that I have gained. I have just become more dexterous.

I am no longer discouraged if I do not manage to quickly get a grasp of something new that I have to learn. I stay calm, I am confident of the fact that I will manage to do it. I no longer feel any fear or panic.

It is a little easier for me to deal with new situations and new requirements and expectations that are set. I have got a little more confidence that I will be able to make it work.
However, I am still insecure and tense when I have to learn something new that requires some skills and competence.

My stage fright is as good as gone. I had to give a lecture for one hour in front of a group of 60 students. I was just a little nervous at the beginning, but then I quickly felt comfortable. I managed to give the lecture (in fact I had to give class) without any trouble and I have done well.

I still feel insecure and cramped when I meet a woman that I like, although this has improved to some extent already from the beginning of the treatment. When I try to get contact with a woman I like, I am still clumsy or she is not interested in me. Very frustrating !
Something that has improved, though, is the fact that I no longer feel immediately rejected by a woman or I no longer feel that I am not good enough for a woman.

Some other fears have improved as well: the fear of getting old, the fear of not being a good doctor and the fear of losing the ones I love.

I no longer feel as if my life is a battle. What I still experience as a battle is ‘love’ (love with a woman). There are far less disappointments in my life, except in the area of love. There are fewer barriers, there are fewer setbacks. There still are some setbacks, but I can deal with them in a better way; I can summon up my courage and move on. I can think more like everything is going to work out just fine.

In the past, I would be extremely emotional in certain situations and I would completely freeze. This is no longer the case, I can get through an emotion, I no longer get stuck in it. It no longer freezes me, an emotion is no longer completely overwhelming.

I do not care anymore whether people like me. I am hardly preoccupied anymore by the thought of what other people might think of me (except if it is about a woman that I like).
I regularly felt ashamed when I thought about what people might think of me. This has gone.

I do not fake anymore or I no longer adopt a forced attitude in situations where I still feel insecure. This is replaced by the attitude: I will be rejected anyway, or I cannot make it here anyway, so I will adopt a gruff attitude toward other people, so that I will be rejected. I make sure that I am rejected on purpose. Of course, again this is not the proper way to solve a situation, so that is something that I still need to work on.

I clearly feel less tense. This has improved remarkably. In the past, I was tense nearly all the time. This has gone.

It is a little easier for me to make a decision. I am a little more confident that I will make the right decision and afterwards I am a little more confident that I have made the right decision.

I am a little more gentle to people who complain (all the time). I am also a little more gentle to myself.

I am less angry when I do not manage to find something.

Some additional aspects that need improvement.

I still have to improve my clinical reasoning and my memorization skills in order to be able to reproduce everything as accurately and as concisely as possible.
I quickly forget skills that I have just practised and knowledge that I have just learned.

It takes too much time for me to do a consultation and to report. I find it difficult to formulate data that I have obtained and to keep some structure in a patient’s examination. Other students are more skilled in using medical terms than I am and they find it easier to reproduce and use the knowledge than I do.

When I have to do a night shift, I am depressed and I feel lonely. The feeling has already improved a lot, but it is still there. When I am doing the night shift at the hospital, I feel like I do not belong.
The feeling that I do not belong, is a feeling that I have on a regular basis in diverse groups, as if I cannot connect with the group or as if I am an outsider and I cannot join in spontaneously. I still avoid some contacts when I am with a group of people, such as getting a drink together. I am afraid that I will not be able to keep up the small talk all the time.

When I have got stress and worries, I wake up too early in the morning.
.

Seventh series of results (the end of August 2008)

I have successfully completed my medical training.  Despite the enormous task burden that I feel, I have been able to successfully complete the past academic year.  Ingrid’s therapy has certainly contributed to this success.

In the months of June and July, I had a slight setback in areas that had already improved.  For example, I was more insecure again, I was easily irritated, I was less happy with the way I looked, I was ashamed of my origin.  This has improved again by now.  Just like last year, I have had some exacerbations of eczema in the summer.  A little on my fingers, on my foot pads (which is very exceptional), a rash in my groins.  This has improved again by now.  It is remarkable however, that since I get LTA therapy, I also suffer from eczema in the summer.  This has never happened before.

I do not feel any particularly major changes since the last check-up, at the end of April.  The situation has not changed that much.

I have made a lot of progress since I started with the therapy almost two years ago.  However, there are a few very persistent issues.  Such as headaches, fatigue, sexual problems, love.  Also the feeling of doing something wrong or being afraid of doing something wrong, sometimes reappears.

Also I still do not seem to be able to perceive patterns.

Linda has again done some tests in this respect.  I still did not manage to have some extrasensory perceptions.  We will try again next year.

There are still a few additional problems that need further correction

At the end of a shift (working day at the hospital) I am completely exhausted.
I am feeling resistant to taking painkillers.  I could take some medication for my headaches, but that is something I absolutely do not want to do.
When I am leading a group conversation, I notice that I do not have any control over the group, I am weak towards a group, I try to assert myself by means of coercion, ‘I am the boss’, I am irritated, I get angry.
Towards other people, I feel weak, I feel vulnerable inside and powerless, so that I have a feeling that the other person is stronger and better and that I am the weaker one. This feeling of weakness is a very annoying feeling. It takes away all my power and I get defensive and do not really know how to act or think.
I get annoyed at someone reacting in an excessively emotional way in a group..  I must be careful not to make a fool of that person or to make him/her look bad.
I notice that I have trouble dealing with typical college stories such as: acting tough, being cool, partying …
.

Eighth series of results (the end of December 2008)

My intestines are functioning well. I’m also less sensitive to bowel infections. If it happens again, is passes more quickly.

I haven’t had a headache for at least 3 months. I only occasionally suffer from a minor and slight headache.

I used to be allergic to medication, this has improved. I also have less problems taking pain-killers, something towards which I used to have an aversion in the past.

My tiredness is gradually improving.

So far I have rarely suffered from throat infections, not even when I had a nose cold in September. In the past I used to have a throat infection at least once a month.

In the past, I very often felt a strong cramp in my neck, radiating towards my shoulders. This has completely disappeared.

I no longer feel washed out after contact with people who are infirm or invalid.

In contacts with people, I feel more at ease and I can sense things better. As a result I’m better at picking up signals from others, and consequently I know better how to react and what to say. I feel less afraid of saying the wrong things. I’m less upset by people’s reactions. I can stay calm and I can better respond to reactions of others.

The attitude of women towards me has changed. They can appreciate me more and they show more interest in me. I can feel, show and give more love to others. I have also noticed that I no longer attract women who are interested in me and who at the same time have difficulties. I also no longer have the impression that only children and elderly people like me.

Gradually I can express my feelings better. I’m no longer ashamed of my feelings. Those feelings of shame have often made me insecure in all kinds of situations. Now I’m less inhibited to talk about my feelings and as a result I can talk more fluently to people. I’m able to tell more and more easily than I used to.

As a result of these diverse improvements in my contacts with people, relationships with people have become easier and warmer.

My health, my spiritual growth and my career are still very important to me, but they obsess me less. I can think about them more light-heartedly. If people remark that I’m very occupied with these matters, I no longer feel attacked and I can joke about it myself a little.

I’ve always criticized myself a lot, I have always reproached myself for being a fool or I blamed myself that I should have done things differently, etc. Now I can feel more love for myself, I’m able to say: that was stupid, I could have done it differently, but better next time. I can forgive myself, I’m a little bit nicer to myself.

I feel a lot less tense in the presence of a woman. I can easily talk to a woman without fearing her reaction.
I feel less fear for intimacy with women.

I can relax better and I enjoy things better. I’m looking more and more positive to live, I can better concentrate on what goes well and I’m less solely occupied with what goes wrong in my life.

It hasn’t happened again that things go wrong when I want to buy something. That used to happen frequently in the past.

I can better deal with the combination of “working, studying, having to finish another task again”. This is less causing me stress, I feel more like: “I can do this”. I also worry less about the fact that I have little time to study, I don’t panic that easily anymore. I now rather feel that I can catch up later. Because of the loads of work I don’t have a single moment of peace, but I can stay calm about it and I feel less stressed out because of it.

During the practice of conversations with patients I can keep a clear structure in the conversation, I no longer mix questions up, which is confusing the patient. I feel more secure during the presentation of questions, and as a result I can keep a better structure and I don’t ask questions randomly anymore. Even though my presentation of questions is still too elaborate and too suggestive. One could have the impression I’m getting better at keeping structure through exercise, but I feel I really have a better talent for it. The improvement that was reached is a result of the breaking of patterns and not the result of exercise.

After the anamnesis I had also difficulties in carrying out the right physical examination and I didn’t know what I had to pay attention to. This is going better. I can formulate given information better. I can better structure my thinking, talking and writing. Here too, I feel I have a talent I didn’t have before. Again some patterns that have been removed. Although I still have difficulties with reasoning clinically.

Now and then something that had already improved, comes back, but after a few days or a week, it passes. For a few weeks, I’ve also suffered from the fear of not knowing something but meanwhile this is going better too.
.

Ninth series of results (the end of August 2009)

Jan’s fatigue is better, headaches are better

Tenth series of results (the end of December 2009)

Jan’s health is very good, all is well, sexual problems are better
.

Eleventh series of results (the end of March 2010)