List of problem issues (February 2008)
I have an issue about my weight. I’m very pre-occupied with ways to lose weight.
I weigh 251 lbs (114 kg), and I measure 5’7” (1.70 m).
All my life I have had various members of my family tell me that I am big or a ‘fat ass’. I always believed them. I attended the Naval Academy and failed all the physical fitness tests. I got stressed out there and too much weight. When I started working professionally in 1999, is when my weight gaining began. I have gained 75 lbs (34 kilos) in the past 8 years. The weight comes off very slowly and when I don’t see weight loss, I get discouraged quickly. I do not like exercising and will find excuses not to. I have a fear that if I do get down to my desired weight I will not stay there and disappoint myself as well as those that are looking at me. Sometimes I think it’s easier to not lose the weight so there are no expectations to maintain being smaller. I also do not see how big I really am unless it is in a picture. I think I am smaller than I appear. I know what size clothes I wear but when I see someone else in the same size close, I do not believe that I am that size.
I fear that I won’t be able to lose weight and get to 140 lbs (64 kg) and have a 19% Body Fat composite. These are the numbers I desire. I am not certain what my ideal weight would be.
I am an emotional eater. Anytime I get anxious in large crowds or gatherings, I desire to eat. Whenever my son is sick or I get a call from daycare to pick him up early, I automatically stop at a fast food restaurant and get something to eat. If my husband has to work the weekend, I turn to food to keep me company. I get anxious and I feel like I have to eat instead of thinking about him not being there. I go to McDonald’s and order one of the value meals. I don’t measure what I eat when I get this way.
I sometimes think I am addicted to bread and chocolate. If I buy chocolate or cheeto puffs, I will eat them until they are gone. When I am stressed, I tend to eat chocolate or drink hot chocolate.
(I also feel I am addicted to reality T.V. shows.)
My joints hurt, my flexibility is nearly non existent. I am not sure if it is because of my weight. I suspect it is.
My weight gain has affected my sex drive with my husband. I can’t keep up my stamina. I run out of breath and get tired fast and I don’t like looking at my body. My weight caused me to have gestational diabetes while I was pregnant. I felt like I couldn’t do anything while I was pregnant. I did not want to walk or exercise.
I was denied extra life insurance due to my weight at work.
When I look in the mirror, I do not like what I see. I don’t like seeing a double chin or the stretch marks on my stomach from giving birth or from my skin stretching from gaining weight.
I have a complex about my weight, not being able to find my size of clothes, sticking out in a crowd due to skin color and weight.
I sometimes call myself names like fat ass, lazy bum, stupid.
I am sometimes embarrassed to go out in public by myself or with my husband. I sometimes feel like I embarrass my husband when we go out because I weigh more than him. My clothes never fit right and I think his family and my family look at me and wonder why am I fat.
I have feelings of inferiority associated with my skin color. I feel that being an African American female, I must prove myself constantly.
I am very messy. It seems all my husband does is pick up after me and my son. My husband cleans the house. I don’t like to clean. My desk at work is a mess. My clothes I put on are a mess and wrinkled. I never iron.
I don’t have enough will power. I am unable to stay focused and on task. I can start off well, but it doesn’t last. I am always enthusiastic when I am first learning about something new. It only lasts for about 4 weeks.
I have organizational skill for about 2 weeks, then they just disappear and I’m a mess.
I am a horrible procrastinator. I postpone work, working out, cleaning. I fail to finish things, exercise, tasks at work, I feel that procrastination rules everything in my life. I can do a task for about 20 minutes and then I make up excuses to stop….I have to clean, I have to rest, something else is more important, I daydream, … I occasionally have a dream that I didn’t finish all my classes at school. My father told me I will always be a quitter. Even though he doesn’t think that now, I still do.
I think other people’s issues are more important than mine. I will help them, and get behind on my things and then I’m in over my head.
I dislike to do clerical work, cleaning (myself, my house, my son).
I am lazy. I like to sit on the couch and do nothing when I am home.
I feel like another person has to help me achieve weight loss by being my partner. I don’t feel like I can do it by myself. I either should have a workout partner or a trainer. At work I feel another person has to set things in motion for me to accomplish my agenda.
I am a chemical engineer. I usually dread my job and my work. I no longer like what I do at work. It is an expectation at my job to put in long hours and sometimes work from home during the week and in the weekends. I no longer desire to be a slave to my job. I would like to spend more time with my family. I can’t seem to concentrate on my work at work. I always think there is something else I should be doing. I want to leave and begin learning more about subconscious mind techniques, remote healing … I think about it so much my work is truly suffering. I am currently very pre-occupied with quitting my job. I would like to become a healer and life coach. I have started learning about energy healing and would like to pursue this path. I have been drawn to this type of work ever since I started working professionally.
I have fluctuating moods when I’m at work and things are getting hectic or I see that the work I am putting out is not being taken seriously or appreciated (in my eye).
The nature of my current job has specific timed deadlines everyday and on a weekly basis. I feel like I always am running out of time not matter how much effort I put forth.
I tend to be bossy and dominant with people that work for me. I feel I have to be or they will not work well and miss deadlines.
I talk too much at work with people instead of doing my work.
I am late 3 out of 5 times for work. I am more often late than not. I am only prompt where there is absolutely no choice.
I try to do too many things at the same time, I do feel that I over extend. I was trying to find an online business so I joined about 15. It becomes too much and I drop everything, stop doing it completely and then start over again.
If something unpleasant happens and if I am close to a person, it will hurt and I won’t let it go. I might forget it for a while but it will still be there. I’m still holding on to things that have happened to me when I lived at home with my parents. Things that have happened keep running through my mind. It takes about 2 weeks for it to die down significantly.
I dramatize work related things, situations with family members who have done something to me.
I worry about my son. About his health at daycare, about leaving him alone outside to play, about hurting himself. I worry about having enough money when my husband quits his job in May to pursue getting his teaching certificate. He will go back to school full time.
I get tense when my son is sick because I feel like I am not a good mother because of it.
I have a tendency to think of the worst case scenario. If I have a meeting at work, I will think that I will have to start yelling and acting out (I never do). My first thoughts are always how bad the meeting could be. No one will understand what I am trying to say, no one will like my ideas, no one will understand what is going on and the meeting will be pointless with nothing getting accomplished.
I regret about not finishing the naval academy. About not getting great grades, about taking out student loans to finish school instead of having scholarships. I regret not breastfeeding my son long enough. I did it for about 3 weeks. I couldn’t produce enough milk for him. I have a fear that will happen again if I have another child.
I cannot always easily forgive and forget. I remember how my father, grandmother, stepmother, and others treated me in my life. I still hold on to some of it.
I bear malice against my former bosses. I do not completely understand why. I feel as though they were trying to change me and not let me be the person that I am. I have this issue with people that were authority figures in my life after I graduated from high school. I feel as though they did not/ do not understand me and how I operate.
There are themes that come back frequently during conversations. Like I can’t stand work, someone did something to me.
I like to have a sounding board in my husband. I tell him after the fact.
I am insecure when it comes to me doing things alone where I don’t know anyone. I am shy, won’t look people in the eye, keep to myself and if there is food nearby I will stand near it and eat it.
I sometimes feel depressed because I have not tried to make friends in the state that I currently live in. I get lonely for other people’s company.
I occasionally get depressed if I am home alone or not with my husband.
I am sometimes aggressive with my son when he is acting out. I will get frustrated with him when he keeps telling me NO. I will get a wooden cooking spoon and pop his bottom or show it to him and tell him stop.
I am disappointed in other co-workers for having jobs that I think they don’t do well.
I get annoyed with individuals when I don’t understand why they don’t see things as clearly as I do. If I am trying to teach someone or explain to someone a concept and they don’t understand, I will get impatient but I will try to not let it discourage me from stopping and try to stick it out and help.
I have worries about money and about the health of my family and myself. Many members in my family are not in good health.
I am disappointed in my weight gain and health. I am disappointed in my financial situation (not being able to buy everything that I desire). I am too concerned about my health, my weight, money.
I am embittered by my pregnancy. I got another job and moved while I was 11 – 16 weeks pregnant. I had morning sickness for 8 months of my pregnancy. I had gestational diabetes,
I had many altercations with my father and stepmother while I was growing up. I have lived with them since I was 8 yrs old.
My stepmother is 12 years older than me (that seemed to bother me) and we had many instances where we didn’t get along. There were many times that my father had to choose between me and my stepmother… I was not chosen.
I am shy when I don’t know anyone. I won’t introduce myself.
In groups I feel uneasy and I will easy stay very quiet or standout completely.
I do not want to draw attention to myself and have people point out my flaws.
I mainly withhold about my problems so I cannot be judged. I will not share my sexual problems with other people.
I have felt lonely since I moved from Maryland in 2002. I feel that I can’t make new friends.
I am not close with any of my siblings. I will try to smile at strangers but rarely say anything to them.
I crave attention from my husband. I am selfish with the time I get to spend with my husband. I don’t like to share him with others if he isn’t working.
It matters to me that my husband’s side of the family thinks that I am a nice person and treat Ben (husband) and Chase (son) well.
I am always concerned about what I look like and what other people look like.
I find myself trying to show co-workers, friends, and family that I can achieve what they have and more in a different way than they have.
I feel that I don’t get enough respect or am appreciated but as soon as I hear it, I become self conscious. I crave the attention but don’t know how to handle it once I get it.
I look for confirmation, compliments so I know that what I am doing is affecting someone else besides me.
I tend to attract people who are looking for support.
I don’t think I give myself enough love to give others enough love.
Stress comes and goes. It is currently about finances and my weight. There are some seminars and classes that I would like to take that are not in the budget. My husband has allowed for me to pursue my areas of interest but we still don’t know how everything will be paid for.
I have a problem saying no to salespersons that have something I am interested in. Car, food, magazines, infomercials.
I am forgetful at times, even if I tell myself ‘you must remember this’ or write it down. I’ll forget I did that too
I am absent-minded. It comes and goes with every area of my life.
I have days that seem to go wrong from the time I wake up.
I do feel that for the things we desire to do, we don’t have enough money and we worry. I feel I must spend money immediately.
Things that don’t go smoothly for me: working out, health, weight loss, changing career paths, making new friends.
Sometimes I cannot find the right words. There are times that I will forget simple vocabulary words to explain what is going on. I will sometimes choose words that offend people
I am very quick to understand things but may not be able to convey what I see to others effectively. I feel I am creative but cannot show it fully.
I have stage fright but never enough to hinder me from talking. My voice shakes and I sometimes feel like I’m hyperventilating. It always goes away after I’ve been up there for a while.
Sometimes I am too open, I have been turned down for jobs because I have shared too much of myself.
I have a tendency to trust wholeheartedly. It seems to be more towards things that I think will help me financially. It used to be in weight loss supplements (until they didn’t make me feel well).
When I’m having conversations with other people, I concentrate partly on myself. If they are complaining I will detach. If they are funny, I will listen fully.
I understand that things are my fault in certain situations, but I still will sometimes blame other people.
I’ m not always able to say that I was wrong, I will start off by saying it’s not me but after a couple of days, I will own up.
I do not sulk, but I will complain or I will get very quiet.
I experience people not wanting to follow the plan I have in place. They just won’t do it. I pout and then I don’t want to participate.
I make up excuses about not getting someone to care for my son as to the reason why I don’t participate in social events.
I will sometimes use the color of my skin to get a job.
I eat quickly, I eat like my body is a vacuum cleaner. Even when I try to slow down, I still am finished first and messy.
I don’t bite my nails but I am always picking at them and putting them in my mouth
I sometimes think I know more than others and that I should not associate myself with these people. I will stop talking to them or when I do talk to them, I am always short with my answers and statements.
I’m a quick to judge other people how they handle their spouse, kids, or their weight
I am prejudiced about people who do not have as much financial wealth as me or live in a lower class neighborhood are not as educated and do not behave.
Sometimes I may see someone that I have never met and have an immediate reaction to them.. a thought of ‘I don’t like them’, he’s bad, she’s bad, you can trust them, they won’t hurt you. It is happening more frequently within the last couple of months.
I love to gossip about work related issues and celebrities
I know of at least one person that I am very hypocritical about when I am out of her hearing range. I judge her lifestyle and her parenting.
I do have stereotypes of certain races… Mexicans put too many people in the car, whites sweat too much, blacks are ghetto.
I am very frustrated when there’s something I cannot find.
I sometimes have problems with arousal with my husband. I also have problems with vaginal dryness. It happens every time we have sex.
I currently feel that I never get enough energy. Every task is a chore. Cleaning, walking, working.
I am allergic to mold, dust, pollen, grass, animals. I was diagnosed with allergies back in 1992. I suffer from itchy eyes, watery eyes, sneezing, a stuffy nose. The symptoms are mild to moderate.
I am often congested (stuffy nose)
I have painful premenstrual cramps (and during).
My skin is dry, my hair is breaking and falling out ever since I gave birth to my son. I have a hard time staying hydrated. I always feel thirsty with very dry itchy skin.
I tend to get tired often.
